Is it penis luge time yet?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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