i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
