Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
