i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
