so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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