I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
