Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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