I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
