So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The beer is more important than you right now.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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