I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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