Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
