I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i love accidental penises.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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