bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
