Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
