she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
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i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
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i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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