i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
