to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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