Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
