so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
