I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
