Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
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