you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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