dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
