All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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