batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
