is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
