meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
