Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
