God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize