Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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