pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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