we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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