i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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