So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My vagina just clenched in fear
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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