thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
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whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
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it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
And then he peed in my hair
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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