This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
