Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
