I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
