Who wears a wallet chain?!
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
