Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
