There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
