I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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