It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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