he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
