I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Randomize
