He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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