I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
