If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
