can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
