He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
