...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
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