I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
