weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
