I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
This is classic penis vs brain.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
