is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
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I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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