Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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