dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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