I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
