lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
