I want to make a zoo with you.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
