is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
