I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
