nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
