hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
