Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
