haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
